I was speeding along the 405 Skyway pondering my day. I had intentionally scheduled Friday as my easy day. Two courtesy litigations and one civil claim then bam! Off to the Holo-Dome for a weekend of R&R. the civil claim was a formality.

Acting on an insider tip, I had purchased every box of "Ocean Flavored Sparky Snax", marked bch #152332 in the city. Opening each box in the presence of a notary public and a rented witness, I recorded the exact weight of each box with a chemistry scale I bought at K-Mart for under 25 credits.

Sure enough 282 of the 600 or so boxes were under-weight by more than the .813 grams allowed by the "Accuracy-in-Advertising law for companies operating on both coasts but having headquarters east of the Mississippi River with holographic advertisements depicting minors under the age of 12". Pretty easy really, you just had to know your law.

The "Sparky Snax" cost me 900 credits, the notary and witness got 300 each, so after paying my insider 2000, I stood to profit around 4500 credits. Most people were too lazy or ignorant to take advantage of the artful suits. I simply filed the paperwork, submitted the affidavits and deposited the claim fees. Most likely the folks at "Sparky Snax" would zip back a credit voucher before the end of the day.

The first C. L. hearing took only 45 minutes and was settled using a simple
L - 271 Kinskey Arbitration Schedule. But during the 2nd C.L. I had gone from plaintiff to defendant. Usually these things were relatively straightforward but this was an unusual situation. I had initiated a routine suit against a woman who cut me off in line at the supermarket (normally a moderate 50-100 credit award). During rebuttal I suggested that she had appeared drunk. A careless slip of the tongue no doubt.

Normally a faux pas like this would at worst reduce the settlement, but in my haste to get done with court for the day, I had failed to note on the defendants’ profile that she had "Co-ordination Challenged Status". My cousin Andy got a "CC Status Card" when he fell down the stairs of the Federal Assistance Building. Now he made a terrific living just from dirty looks and accidental comments.

So I had spent the better part of the morning negotiating with the "Cut Queen", settling in the end at 275 credits (which I paid) along with an agreement to file an "Order to Rescind", on my case against her (another 65 credits).

Needless to say when I pulled up to my girlfriend Connies' place, I wasn't really in the mood to hear about her problems. She met me at the tube wearing a puma coat. The damned thing was always nipping at me and passing gas at the most in-appropriate times. I was getting used to spending an additional hundred credits per date to appease disgruntled waiters, coat-check girls and fellow patrons.

"You won't believe my day!", she begins and I'm thinking... hey, there's a game on tonight!
I kissed her and we tube’d up to her apartment. When we got inside she continued. "The guy, you know the guy. The one who gave me the finger?"

I tugged my left earlobe down and left to switch on my new "Brain Blaster 88", hoping to catch the end of the game without her being any the wiser.

"Uh-huh". I managed to reply, dedicating just enough of my consciousness to monitor the tone of her words so as to properly insert uh-huh's and such in the appropriate places, while not really hearing anything she said.

Classky up levels it to Carnowski... Carnowski to the Time-Line, he jumps back 2 seconds, he's open, he scores! ... A full Quantum Axel Screen and he puts the 'Shifters up by 1.94 with 2.1 seconds left in one of the best games of the season!

"So I catch him on vid, full-face, flipping me off..."
"Uh-huh."
"And the stupid new 'Corder-Broach I bought, you know honey I told you all about it when Tori and Zoltar came by last week. Well the stupid thing had a bad mem-cell and I had to rescind my suit. Can you believe it?"

Johnson to Oblivaax, Oblivaax across the Monolith to Classky... Stolen by Zed412!

"Uh-huh."
"What!?" She was eyeing me suspiciously but this was getting good and the game was almost over.

Off the teleportation bar to Smith...Smith over the flamethrower...He hammers it home for 2.36 points! The game is over! Omega Prime Teleporters win it 49.76 to 49.34 over the Antares Time Shifters! The crowd here is going crazy! Every "Strong Favorable Emotion" indicator in the house is on!

"Oh, I mean no honey that’s uh... bad!" I recover like a pro."We better leave if we're going to make dinner before our 'Dome time."

In the car, Connie goes on about how the food terminal is acting up and the coat (Honey Baby she calls it) eyes me smugly. His/her/it’s face perched atop Connie's shoulder, no real body to speak of. Just skin and fur and a head. Call me old-fashioned but that's just wrong.
As Connie chatted, I tried to count all the plasma relays from her house to the restaurant. I lost count at six.


We arrived shortly and as the valet decompressed the hatchway I thought, "Damned 20th century morons!" The ozone layer was toast and carbon-based fuels had made the air toxic and foul. I am glad I live in a time of advanced thinking. Our power is clean, doesn't pollute the atmosphere or waterways and even the ecologists are happy now. Except for those nay-sayers who think reversing the earths polarity will have some "Negative consequences." Most right-thinking people knew that was just "Crazy Talk".

The Maitre’ de called the coat-check girl who moved rapidly to serve us. Proudly brandishing a pair of elbow-length, plasteel gloves (we came here a lot) she gingerly accepted the 20,000 credit, Genetics-Wear puma wrap and was reminded that it should not be placed near the other coats.

We were seated at our favorite table right near the holo-fire and after ordering our drinks waited for well over two minutes before our psudohol fizzies finally arrived. The new psudohol III was so much better now that they had solved the addiction issues... I could hardly wait for mine.

The dinner was simple but good . The appetizer was some extra-terrestrial vegetable that gratefully didn't move when I poked it. The entree was a delicate Whale Pate' (whales became fair game when they revealed their evil intelligence during the Whale Wars of '66. Their five main cities were destroyed by tactical weapons during the "Nuke the Whales Campaign"). All in all I was feeling pretty good now.

Connie told me all about her day and thanks to the BB 88' I caught the last few minutes of "Dick Clarks Top 40". The check came right before the end of "Species Tramp" by The Xenophobes (my favorite group) and the waiter mentioned something about Connie's coat having an unfortunate accident or something. Connie took "Honey Baby" to the Ladies Freshener and soon after we were back in the air, headed for the holo-domes.

Franz was being a little too friendly as he assisted Connie with her boots and bindings. Some women find his type appealing. Ruggedly handsome, Adonis-like body. I would have considered kicking his butt if he weren't six-four, built like a Jovan body builder and composed of photo receptors, micro-fields and light waves. Some female programmers’ fantasy no doubt.

"Come on honey! Let’s go!" Said Connie, popping up from her chair. She gives me her biggest smile. Connie's really cute when she gets excited. It's that exuberant energy I find... well it's kind of what's cool about her. So giving Franz the old "she's with me pal" look (after all we were here to suspend disbelief, not defend it) I took her arm protectively and we made our way out to the lift.

I have been considered the "king of the hill" here (even by real people) until a surprising defeat suffered at Connie's hands during our first outing. I had not been prepared. When she challenged me to slalom the Matterhorn, I was trying to be a gentleman by not beating her too badly. The deceitful woman never mentioned she was a national runner-up for the 84' Olympics and almost made the team. So this time it was going to be different. Several of my "Dome Buddies" had been razzing me for weeks now and though I am a modern man, secure with myself in every way, no one likes to hear. "You got beat by a girl!"

As we leave the gate, thousands of holo spectators and a few hundred interested dome guests let out a roar. I push off as never before and it pays off. I hit the first gate two full lengths ahead. Down the upper half of the course I am flawless, sticking every turn, squeezing every bit of speed from my blades, but there she is on my right again and inching ahead! No problem. She's about to get a little surprise. Right... about... now...

Rounding a sharp bend, I flex my knees for the upcoming jump. A jump that I must admit was added to the program just last night when some anonymous guest paid a rather large sum. Connie is taken totally by surprise. We hit the ramp together and her legs go out from under her. As she flies through the air I know the 'Domes security protocols will protect her from actual injury, although she will probably have a few choice words for me at the bottom.

Amazingly she manages to recover somehow and although she has fallen back, my tenacious little adversary is right back in the race. I tuck and prepare for the final jump, the essence now of concentration, skill and determination. The worst defeat in the world is the one where you cheat and still lose. Well, I may be a cheater but by god, I'm not a loser. Side by side now she looks at me and calls over, "That's not a funny joke to play on a pregnant woman!"...

My mind goes into a tailspin. Looking over with my jaw dragging the ground, I forget about the rampway or the fact that I am sailing high into the air. All my brain is aware of is the word PREGNANT. I hit the ground like a rag doll.

Eventually when I stop rolling and look up, Connie is already across the finish line.

A few minutes later, after bearing the catcalls and smart-ass remarks of my peers, I caught Connie by the arm and pulled her into a nearby "warm room".

"Look, I know we've only been seeing each other for a few months" I began, choosing my words carefully. "But I won't run out on you and if you decide to keep it, I mean ... him or her... I'll marry you and we'll see it through together. My parents didn't stay together but I swore I'd never do that to a child of mine."

Then what she did next filled me with a new sense of admiration and respect for her. Scruffing my hair and kissing me sweetly on the cheek she whispered softly into my ear. "Who's pregnant? I just wanted to beat you."

While I, the master of manipulation, sat reveling in my ignorance, she spun on her heel and said, "I'm ready for another, you coming?"

Later that night as Connie sat brushing her hair, chatting away, I lay back and actually listened to what she was saying. It was funny, she wasn't talking about anything at all but I began to understand that it wasn't important. The sound of her voice was comforting and in the short time we had been together I had grown used to the way she bugged me. Actually every woman I have ever been with has accused me of being boorish and self-involved, while Connie has never complained.

Then she did something that sealed the deal for me. Coming over to the bed looking wonderful in her silky flowing nightgown, Connie opened a drawer in the bedside table and produced two small boxes wrapped with tiny ribbons. "What's this?" I ask, scrunching up the bed board to get a better look.

"Well the little ones for you and the bigger one is for me". She placed the tiny parcel into my hand.

Tearing off the thin wrap, I wasn't exactly sure what it was. It was mounted in the packaging and so small as to be barely visible to the naked eye. "Honey?" I queried.

"It's the vid upgrade to that Brain Buster thing of yours", she replied.

"It's Brain Blaster, not Buster ... and you know about that?"

"Of course. It was either that, or you were "Attention Span Challenged." I already checked, your not listed."

I couldn't believe it. This was the new 360-degree view module. This thing cost half a year’s wages.

"The man at the store said you can have it installed at any Radio Shack"

I couldn't think of anything witty to say, so I just hugged her. I mean really hugged her like never before. Not because the gift was so expensive but because she had seen right through me and was actually happy to take me the way I was. Even an emotional dullard like myself knows how rare and precious a gift that is.

After a few moments I let her go and asked,"So what did you get yourself?"
Smiling that way again, she picked up the other package and held it between us. "Oh this? This is the Brain Buster remote control. We'll work out the details later but just figure it's an insurance policy to make sure you at least fake it when I'm talking to you."

"Brain Blaster honey, not Buster." I was so out of my league it wasn't funny. I had underestimated my opponent and now the only thing left was to surrender with dignity.

Sometimes I like to daydream about what things will be like in the future but really I'm just an old fashioned guy. I'm content with my simple lifestyle. Spending my days in court, my nights with Connie and weekends at the holo-dome. That and my 3D-Omnisound, full color, digital brain wave-synchronized, Brain Blaster 88'!