The Dungeon Masters Guild
Humor
Blurbs

 

Top ten signs that you pissed off the villagers by Danduin

1. The "interesting new stew" you've been served at the inn smells suspiciously
like sewage.
2. One ripe apple at the market costs more than your last spellbook.
3.They're building a gallows outside your room at the inn. They try to tell you
that it is "modern art".
4. One of them asks you for a donation to the "Hire some thugs to kill the
adventurers fund"
5. Someone glued a spike to your saddle.
6. At bed time your goose down pillow explodes. The innkeeper says that the
pillow was made from the feathers of very angry geese.
7. People keep providing you with gifts of horses, and maps out of town.
8. The Mayor declares a special "Murder of foreigners is no longer illeagal"
day in your honour.
9. Arrows keep appearing at your feet. Local villagers shake their head, and
claim that they are fast growing weeds.
10. The villagers hire a band of trolls to rid their town of adventurers

 

 


Bar Tales: by Thrandorian

It was a moment, but then I saw it. The telltale crimson dollop nearly camouflaged by his full, over-red lips. The bulge in his robes that said, “I‘m glad to see you“, but for all the wrong reasons.

Glancing sidelong at the others seated within the sanctum, I gauged the distance between myself and the nearest of the others. Too far...not yet... let ‘em surround you...

The large man-thing beside me smiled suddenly and turned as if to speak to his fellows. That was my cue. Whirling on him now, I drove my + 2, steel-toed, size 12 into the demon's groin, taking his mind off thoughts of backstabbing me with the Khopesh he had concealed within his vestments. I wasn’t about to be as easily fooled as those other unfortunate fools who now dwelt mainly within the bellies of these shape-shifting hell spawn. What was left of their corporal existence lay in bloody chunks all about the floor of the sanctuary.

Pulling my Great Sword, I summoned forth the names of the 12 and set about them with such a fury that the very air began to glow about my blade. I am pure death to such as these....

What was your name again honey? Mary? Well yes Mary that’s just how it happened. You know, why don’t we go up to my room and I’ll show you the scar one gave me...