From Thrandorian to the DMG regarding A.T.D.M.'s Guild question #1:  I received this "A.T.D.M.'s Guild" question tonight. I don't usually do this but this question is time sensitive, so I thought I would immediately send Lord Shawn any actually helpful responses. In addition, I found the question entertaining just to read and thought you all might as well.

If anyone has an idea (even though he is asking how a kitten might kill a pit bull) please respond. I will most likely NOT post this on the site unless there are some entertaining posts that don't go too far into the realm of sarcasm (now there's a challenge!) but I did feel obligated to try and help this poor player who's only sin is probably hanging out with an insane teenage DM. Obviously this is not happening in SCA Bards run... :

Xenzie: Tell him he can get out of the situation but quitting the game and finding a real group.

"The Dungeon Master":  Act like you are sleeping, that always works. };p

Harlequin_1998:  Well, the very first thing you need to do is get yourself a nice 
sharp pencil, some dice, and a brand new character sheet. Once you have all of these supplies, 
roll up a new character. One of the best ways to deal with the death of a favored character 
is to create a new one. Learn well from the lessons your now deceased character has 
taught you, and don't do whatever it was that got such amazingly powerful creatures to want 
to kill you.
                 
SCA Bard:  Lord Shawn, I haven't read the new 3e stats for the tarrasque, but they're usually 
far more powerful than a single warrior could defeat, even one who has a sword that never misses.  
A level 60 anything sounds really over-powered, too.  I don't think you *can* kill them.

That doesn't necessarily mean you have to die, though, if your GM is up to some creative problem 
solving.  What if you offer to hunt down the character who stole the "silencer of bodach" and 
return it to them?  Most good GMs like to see a player think his way creatively out of a tight 
spot if fighting won't help.

I have a feeling this won't work for you - the sort of GM who uses 60th level defilers and a 
tarrasque in his game often isn't impressed with talking rather than fighting.  But you could give 
it a shot.

Array50: Ok, first of all, your not killing the tarraque, forget that, it will heal more damage in a round than you can do in a week. Your best be there is just avoide, distract, and try to get it fighting something else, a nearby wizard school, a dragon's convention, or a large armoy is you have one handy.. this will give you time to escape and the tarrasque has a VERY short attention span, anything it sees, it will kill, so make sure it dosnt see you, or atleast it sees something more worth killing than you are.

If you can avoid the damnabl thing for long enough, it wil go back to sleep. When this happens, RUN, very far, very fast, and dont come back if you can help it. If you are forced into combat with this thing (and only the most sedistic or evil DM will do this to ANY player) try to remimber this. It isnt that smart, but tougher than most GODs. So the thing to do here is work to servive, get out of the area .

DONT cast spells on the thing, its hide is so resestant to magic that the energys will just bounce off and may even hit YOU. Your sword is a bad thing, you dont want to try to hit it, you want to criticaly miss and ACCIDENTLY hit it. Its a rule glitch that give you a SMALL chance to annoy it enough that it will kill you faster. Your best bet in combat is avoidence, dodging, and RUNNING. If all else fails, get a pen and paper, start generating a new character, hopefluy in a campain world run by a less sadistic DM.

Responses to Question #2

Thrandorian: Hand's down for me: The Roper.

Yeah, it sits in a dungeon waiting for a snack to come by? The local creatures would get wise pretty quick and then what? It waits for adventurers to wander in? No wonder they are mean. The gods gave them a really crappy deal!

Graham Jack D: Do you remember the Fiend Folio? Too many to chose from.

Vonromig: Any where the creator took a common animal and gave it unusual abilities or size. Any creatures that look like living stone or other cave objects. And battling for first place are the monsters that are nothing more than a combo of two or more creatures... But if I had to chose only one type of monster it would be the 'Modron' of MMII pg 86.

Array50: OK, so many to work from, This got me curious to go through the MM to check out those monsters I never use. Allot of them LOOK just plain silly (the Crabman for example, didn't someone make a B-movie out of this nonsense at some point?) Others are so Insanely powerful that even high level groups would have a problem taking on the Aurumvorax (an 8 legged lion that eats gold , this is just wrong in so many ways). But my all time favorite silliest creature, something I just have NO use for, has got to be the Couati. A feather coated snake with wings that has the power of a demigod. These things have it ALL, psionics(which I'm NOT going into) magic, and a hate of evil so great they will attack and kill it on site. How are you supposed to use this thing? Don't GODs generally fit this niche? maybe its just me. Array

Brian Ransom: Okay, this is from the now defunct Spelljammer setting, but I always hated the Miniture Giant Space Hamster (Well, the whole Giant Space Hamster thing seemed dumb, but that one was REALLY dumb.)

cmOnkey: that was actually a monster? i thought it was just a *joke* in baldur's gate. they actually published it? oh geez... um. i know this isn't supposed to be a debate. and i know i already did this. but... i can't help it. does what you said mean you don't like the OWLBEAR? i mean come on, the OWLBEAR! everybody loves the owlbear, right? right? *crickets chirping*

xusmc: Piercer? Death from above? But it takes forever to get there?